Advent 2009

Edwin and Alex have been busy at school preparing for Christmas. Edwin's first grade class worked on a service project with the 8th graders. They collected baby items for the less fortunate. Alex's class collected mittens, hats and scarves. It's a great way to remember the corporal works of mercy, especially in all the commercialization of the Christmas holiday. It helps them to appreciate how blessed we truly are.



They also ask me, " Mama , what would you like for Christmas?"

I answer, "Edwin, I'd like for you to drink your milk everyday without complaining. Alex, I'd like you to keep your bedroom clean." They ask, "Is that all you really want?" I answer them, " Yes, really, that's all I want."



There's one thing I desire that only God can give to me. It's peace of mind. For years, I have had this hope that I truly wish would come true. In the scheme of life, it seems so trivial compared to others' problems, but for some reason, it haunts my thoughts constantly. It seems to be more trouble than it's worth. My heart grows weary of the hurt and pain. At this point, I have to surrender and let it go. Peace will come once I realize that God is the key to all happiness.



This Advent, I hope to heal my heart by focusing on the many blessings that the Lord has given me. He has truly spared me of many sorrows. I just have to keep that in mind and heart constantly.
Some prayers will go unanswered, but this will transform me into the person that God is shaping me to become.
This is the best Christmas gift I can give myself.

Understanding

I always ask my boys about their days at school. I'm interested to know how there friends are, what they learned, and if there were any problems during their day. They always answer, " School was okay. " With specific questions about friends, they both answer, " I don't know." Maybe, it's just how boys talk. Who knows?
One day, however, my son Edwin was crying and did not want to go to school. This was unusual for him. He loves school so much. He's a good student , has a lot of friends, and loves his teachers. He revealed to me that there was a boy who was teasing him, whom I'll call "Johnny". Upon hearing this, I felt really sad. I wish I could protect my son from everything, but this was a battle that he had to learn to deal with.
I told my son to just ignore "Johnny". I even came up with some clever one liners for him to try against him. I thought further about what I was saying and teaching my child. I asked myself, " Why is "Johnny" acting this way?" Maybe there is something going on in his life, something so stressful and heart wrenching, that is bothering him to the core. His coping mechanism, unfortunately, is to take this out on others. What do you expect? He's only 10 years old, anyway! Perhaps, he doesn't realize that his actions hurt.
I told Edwin," You should forgive him. Maybe he acts that way because he is sad, hurt, or upset about something. Let's ask God to help him so he can stop acting so mean."

I thought about my words to Edwin, and how I should try to truly live these words, too. There are people in our lives who , for whatever reason, say or do things that are hurtful. Unfortunately, most are blind to their own actions. What we can do , however, is to forgive and to pray. I remember Jesus' words, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Only the Lord knows their hearts and souls. He knows what they have experienced in their lives to transform them into someone who does not love.
Edwin's story has a happy ending. "Johnny" no longer teases him. I know, however, that in the future, there will be more "Johnny"s and he'll have to learn to deal with them.

As for my own life, I struggle to remember that people who hurt others are likely hurting as well, as a result of mistreatment from someone else in their lives. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the gift of Understanding, to help me have patience, to continue to live the life that He has asked me to, and to remember that there is always something good, even in the most desolate of souls.

Pray Unceasingly

When I was a little girl, my mother taught me to pray for everything. Whenever I was sad, scared, happy, anxious, thankful, etc., I asked the Lord for His blessings and guidance. From little things like test scores, to major life events , such as job transfers and world peace, I had built up this reliance on prayer, but at the same time, I also knew that I had to do my part to show God that I could help Him to help me.

After I moved from Detroit, I felt so relieved to be finally finished with my training there. I decided ,at that point, that I had already asked God for so much. I could not possibly ask for anything more for myself. I felt that God had a "quota" per day, so to speak, of intentions to answer. As a result, I stopped praying for EVERYTHING. I continued to pray for others, but no longer for myself. I wanted to show God that I could do things on my own, so that He can focus on the intentions of others.

My life afterwards was far less than perfect. I became extremely sad, frustrated and angry. I realized that I could not live life on my own . I needed God's guidance to help me.

God's help came to me by presenting opportunities for me to immerse myself in our parish and my sons' school. Since then, I have become more involved. I became a lector, PTU mom/sons event coordinator, preschool social coordinator, Catholics Welcome Home committee member, operation baking gals ( bakes cookies for our troops overseas), and MOMS group co-coordinator. I feel happiest when I'm serving others in God's name. It brings me such joy to do God's work on earth. It keeps my mind focused on what's most important to me: love of God and love of others.

Now, I continue to pray unceasingly and for everything. I have learned that everything I have and all that I am, I owe to the Lord. God does not keep score of how many prayers we request of Him. His heart is open freely to give all that He has for us.

How Great Thou Art

We recently returned from a family vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.



"What's in Wyoming?" you may question.



My son, Edwin, loves dinosaurs. I searched on fodors.com for a family dinosaur dig. I was able to locate one in Thermopolis, WY, about 4 hours from Jackson Hole. My husband, Larry was ecstatic! He's always wanted to go to Wyoming There's great fly fishing there! He's an outdoorsman-loves the forests, mountains, and lakes. My son, Alex, loves airplanes. We needed something to entertain him. Larry found an aviation museum nearby in Idaho. There was something for everyone!



I , myself, an not an outdoors person. If I had my choice, I'd probably go back to New York City for a trip. My purpose for this trip was to enjoy the company of my family, to see the excitement in their faces, and to get some much needed R & R.



Believe it or not, I had such a wonderful time there in WY. Jackson Hole is a quaint, rustic town, with gorgeous views of the Grand Tetons. One of my favorite excursions was a visit to Jenny Lake and a hike up the mountains. My boys argued for most of the hike, but once we got to the top, I experienced a sense of peace. I feel that God enabled me to enjoy this moment. I was awestruck by the beauty of God's creation. I felt His presence there, gazing down at the calm waters. I saw nature so pure and unspoiled, the way God intended for it to be, inspiring in me a great respect of His power.



Another favorite activity was a chuckwagon dinner. We rode in a horse driven covered wagon to the picnic sight. We dined on barbecue chicken, roast beef, corn, beans, and delicious chocolate chip cookies. The actors put on an insanely funny show with audience participation. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. At the conclusion of the show, the actors expressed their love and appreciation of the nature that surrounds us. They wanted to thank the Lord for creating so much beauty. They removed their cowboy hats, placed their hands on their heart, and sang "How Great Thou Art".


This brought tears to my eyes. I've sang this hymn so many times at Mass, but never really felt its meaning. On a quiet mountain top overlooking Jenny Lake, and even in a hootenanny with cowboys, I was filled with the wonder of God's greatness and love for us. He created this world for our enjoyment. What more would he not do for us, His children created in His own image?

Teaching Humility

My son, Alex, is 4 years old. He really looks up to his big brother Edwin, age 6. I know that they really love each other, but they also know how to push each others buttons, too. They frequently get into little spats throughout the day. Five minutes later, they're best friends again. It's amazing...
On Saturday mornings, Larry takes the kids to Panera for bagels. On one particular Saturday, Edwin was teasing Alex unceasingly, once again. For punishment, Edwin stayed home with me . I put him in the Corner, an area for naughty boys associated with complete boredom. He cried his eyes out . He knew he was missing out on all of the fun.
When Alex came home, all malice towards Edwin had disappeared. He was so happy to see his big brother! Alex brought Edwin his favorite , a yummy cinnamon crunch bagel!

Edwin was too proud to accept it. He did not understand why Alex would be so nice to him, after all the teasing he had done. Edwin cried even harder.
Of course, Edwin's hunger won him over and he enjoyed his cinnamon bagel.


I learned a lot from both my boys that day. I had a long talk with Edwin . It is truly humbling when someone continues to be kind to us, even when we don't deserve it. As for Alex, he's at that age of innocence when hearts are still pure, when the capacity to be bitter is still nonexistent. I thought of Jesus... He had an immense love for everyone, including those who hurt him. I am in complete awe of his capacity to forgive, and continue to give.


That's something I'd like to teach my children, and even myself, too:
To give freely from our hearts, even when it hurts to do so.
It is definitely not an easy task. If we could focus our lives and hearts on Jesus' example, only then will this be possible.

Edwin Learns the Rosary

May is the month consecrated to our Blessed Mother. My son, Edwin has been learning the Hail Mary at school. He and his classmates received a rosary to pray at home for more reinforcement. You should have seen the excitement on his face when he showed me his brand new rosary!

I first started praying the rosary with my mother when I was 3 years old. My Mom is a very devout and strong catholic with a devotion to Mary. I would watch her recite the rosary every night after doing the dishes. She looked like she was praying so hard for something.

We started a family tradition of praying the rosary together every Sunday night. I must admit that as a young teenager, I was not too excited about that. As I got older, I learned to appreciate and love this devotion.

My appreciation did not begin until a close friend of mine passed away. I prayed the rosary every night so that his soul would rest in peace. I prayed for his family and friends who were left to mourn his loss. I , too, felt comfort in this devotion. I learned to see Mary as my mother in heaven, here to watch over us and intercede on our behalf.

I still pray the rosary every night, usually after I put the kids to bed. Recently, Edwin asked me, "Can we pray the rosary together, Mama?" We started saying a decade together everyday. Sometimes, I'll forget , but he'll remind me. He's already learned the Glory Be. We just have to work on the Apostles Creed (Uh- oh, very long).

It's exciting for me to see the seeds of this devotion growing in Edwin. I've shared stories/photos of my trips to Guadalupe and to Lourdes with him. He asked me, "Can you take me there, Mama?"

I hope I can continue to nurture this devotion to our Blessed Mother in both of my sons. That is the prayer I ask for when I say my rosary.

Thoughts on Anger

My friend, Judy, sent me a quote by Gandhi, "When a man gives way to anger, he only harms himself."
I thought about situations in my life where I just got so angry. Irregardless of whether the anger was justified, it did not bring me any sense of peace. It did not change the person to whom I was angry with. If anything, it brought about a strained relationship. This, unfortunately, permeates everything. People choose sides.

It is amazing how one's words can be so harmful and hurtful. One thing I've realized, is that you're never too old to hurt someone. On the flip side, you're never too old to apologize. You're never too old to learn to be more Christlike in one's actions.

I wrote this quote down on a piece of paper that sits on my desk, and I've committed it to memory, too. I was able to avoid some confrontations a few weeks ago, but unfortunately, not all. I'm definitely not perfect, too old to apologize, or to turn the other cheek.

That's the beauty of having an open mind. It's something we all need.

Easter Treasures

My older son, Edwin, is in kindergarten at a Catholic school. He came home with a styrofoam egg carton filled with 12 Easter treasures. Each "treasure " was representative of Christ's passion from Palm Sunday to His Resurrection on Easter. It's a great learning tool to teach children. I'd like to credit his teacher, Mrs. Scott, for doing such a superb job!



His eyes lit up as he began describing the series of events. I was amazed at how much he understod. It brought tears to my eyes. He had so much faith, for someone so young. All the prayers we say at home, the weekly mass, the discussions on God, all came down to this one moment for Edwin... He truly believed in God; His Son, Jesus; and His promises to us!



Our children have so many outside influences on them, some good and some bad. As parents, we are in a cultural war for their hearts and minds. It's our responsibility to plant the seeds of faith, to see it grow and flourish.



I hope that this is the begining of a life long devotion to the Lord for Edwin. May Jesus' resurrection strenghthen our own faith as parents , so that we will have a desire for holiness, to live a Christian life, and become good examples of our faith to our children.

Palm Sunday Liturgy

I always look forward to the Palm Sunday Liturgy. The Passion of our Lord is recited, with the priest, deacon, and lector having roles in the "play." I have had the honor of participating in this liturgy almost yearly for the past several years.

I take my role as lector seriously. I know that there are a lot of people day dreaming out there, so I try to speak my words with expression to keep people attentive. I try to make eye contact , too, to connect with the congregation.

During the Palm Sunday Liturgy, my lines involve St. Peter's denial of Jesus, Pontius Pilate's condemnation, Judas' betrayal, the crowd freeing Barabas.... well, you get the picture. It really pains me to have to say those thing. I know that we're only retelling the story, but I can't help but feel that I , too, am personally saying these things.

Why this psychological turmoil? Maybe we all have a little bit of Peter, Judas, Pilate, and the angry crowd in all of us. We are all sinners in God's eyes. It's a matter of recognizing that and asking for forgiveness. Luckily for us, God is always ready and willing.

My last line in the narrative is from the Roman centurion, who says, "Truly, this Man was the Son of God." It gives me a chance to redeem myself, to proclaim that Jesus is the Messiah! He willingly suffered and died for us.

The depths of God's love and forgiveness humbles me.

Can You Do This For Me?

I frequently ask my children to do things for me. Take for example my son, Edwin. He's such a picky eater. It's gotten to the point where he is just not gaining enough weight. I try to make him eat a lot of high calorie foods, but he just cannot do it. I've tried everything, even taking away his favorite toys!!!
I try to do the "Smart Mom" thing, and reason with him. I tell him, "Edwin, if you don't eat, you'll just shrink and I will not be able to find you any more." That line used to work, but now he's gotten too smart for me.
Out of frustration, I say, "Can you just do this for me, because it would make your Mama sooo happy?"

I've thought so much about that line, especially this Lenten season. I wonder if God feels the same way about all of us. He loves us all so much. All he asks of us is to love Him with all of our heart. In the same respect, he asks us to love our neighbor as He has loved us.

Yes, there are things in our lives that are just so difficult to do. I think about Jesus, carrying the cross, suffering and dying for us. How small our problems seem compared to the ultimate love that He has shown.

I often think of Jesus asking me, " Can you do this because I love you? Can you do this for the glory of God?" Can I forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness? Can I put aside my personal feelings, swallow my selfish pride, and show my neighbor the love of Jesus through my actions?

The answer of course is , "Yes."
Jesus never said that being a Christian would be easy. With prayer and faith, we can all do what God asks of us.

Lent 2009

We are now in the midst of the Lenten season. We often ask ourselves, what will we give up for Lent? For many of us, it's some type of food or drink deprivation. For others, it's a certain behavior, i.e. smoking. It's so important, to help ourselves become more healthy. We must certainly do this for ourselves, as well as our children.

I always think, is there something spiritual I can do to prepare myself for Easter? I feel that prayer, fasting, and almsgiving are all so easy.
What's difficult, I think, is being kind to those who are unkind in return. I always feel, that if you follow the golden rule, that should be easily reciprocated to you. Unfortunately, the real world doesn't work that way.

I think of the Serenity Prayer. There's a line that says,
"Taking as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will."

Trust. It's such a beautiful and powerful concept.
Continue to live as Jesus asked us to. Give of oneself without expecting anything in return from our fellow man. Trust that the Lord will take care of us.
Those are my Lenten goals.

The Mystery Reader

Last week I had the opportunity to be the mystery reader for my son, Edwin's, kindergarten class. Every Thursday, a "surprise" parent reads a few favorite books. I had signed up for this date last fall, unbeknownst to Edwin. He would ask me every week, " Mama, when will you be the mystery reader?" I'd answer, "Next time, sweetheart." He'd sigh in frustration...



I was so so nervous that day. Believe it or not, but I'm a lector at our church. I proclaim God's word in front of hundreds of people. Why am I so nervous to read a children's book for 25 kindergarteners? To make matters worse, I was exhausted from working the night before. I was functioning on only 2 hours of sleep. I was a walking zombie.



When I walked into the classroom, the look on Edwin's face was priceless. He looked so delighted and proud to see me. He jumped right out of his seat and gave me a big bear hug. I read 2 books,"How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food," and "Where the Wild Things Are." The class loved them! The interaction between us all was humorous and heartwarming. Just hearing them laugh, seeing them smile, was precious. It reminded me of the innocence of childhood, a carefree time where life is problem-free.



The entire time, Edwin was just beaming! He looked so happy that I was able to spend some time with him and his classmates. Afterwards, he kissed me on the cheek and said goodbye. My heart just melted. I felt that all the stress and worries in my heart about trivial things had vanished.



That was such a precious and perfect moment for me. I felt this was a gift from God. I truly am blessed to be a mom, to have so much love in my heart for my children, and to receive that love in return from them. It is times like these, that God reminds me of how beautiful this world really is.

My Worst Job

Since I started blogging last week, I've been retrospective about my life. As I think about topics to write about, I keep coming back to a time in my life where I thought, "It can't get any worse than this."

In the early 90's, I moved to a Michigan to start a new "dream job." I had been praying persistently to the Lord to help me get this job. I was so overwhelmingly grateful to have been so blessed.

I moved to a place where I knew no one. I was so scared, but also excited, too, to embark on this challenging journey. Luckily, I quickly met a close knit group of friends who became like family to me. They really showed me the beauty of kindness. I found a beautiful Catholic church nearby-Shrine of the Little Flower. I had always prayed to St. Therese as a young girl. It meant so much for me to find her there. My life outside of work was wonderful!



Unfortunately, my work life was not. I worked 100 hour weeks. I was exhausted and stressed. To me, though, it wasn't the hours that were horrible - it was the people that I worked with. Everyday I was constantly berated and demeaned, for issues that were not my fault. It was this constant attack that I found unbearable. I felt that the Lord knew the truth, and that the truth would set me free.

I turned to God and asked, "Please help me get through this. Please help me grow from this." This was the worst I had felt in my life at such a young age. I truly thought, it can't get any worse.

Little did I know, this was not to be the worst for me. It was yet to come...



Looking back, I see this experience as a preparation for the rest of my life. I truly became a stronger person with a thick skin. I realized that in the midst of struggle, God can send you His angels to help you. For me, they were the wonderful friends that I had met while there. In addition, I found solace in the beauty of the Mass. I remember sitting at the shrine, with tears in my eyes, because I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I then found strength in receiving Jesus in the Eucharist. " I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."(Philippians4:13)



My time in Michigan was a mere 4 years, but looking back, it was something I needed. I had to learn to become a stronger person. I had to learn how to persevere. I had to learn to have true unwavering faith. My life has had its share of even worse storms. It is the Lord who has seen me through them all, helping me grow ever closer to Him.

Fears

When I was a young girl, I was afraid of the dark. I'd come into my mom and dad's room saying, "I'm scared!!" My mom would say to me, "You don't have to be afraid because you pray. Jesus is always with you." At that point, I'd go back to my bedroom, say the guardian angel prayer, the Our Father, and go to sleep.

I find myself saying the same things to my boys. I even hear my boys reiterating it to each other. Edwin would say to Alex, " You don't have to be afraid. Jesus is with you."

As an adult, I have more substantial fears-job stress, the economy, sickness, sadness... the litany is ongoing. I remember what I learned as a child from my mother, and what I now teach my sons. It still applies today. As an adult, I have to let go and trust God, just like I did as a little child, just as my children are now doing. We all need that childlike confidence that God will always take care of us.

My First Blog

Hello, everyone! I'm so excited to start writing my own Catholic blog. To tell you a little bit about myself, I'm a cradle catholic. I attended Catholic grade school and high school. I had my spiritual awakening during 2nd grade. Since then, I've been close to God.

I'm a working mom with 2 beautiful boys, ages 6 and 4. I feel that my faith has truly strengthened me throughout my life. It is my hope that I can pass my faith onto my children, so that they will truly love our Lord, grow close to him, and find peace in the storms of their lives.

I was inspired to start this blog after meeting other moms at my church. We're part of Ministry of Mothers Sharing (MOMS). Before MOMS, I didn't really know anyone in town. After meeting weekly, our friendships have grown. We're a great support group to discuss the trials and tribulations of our everyday lives in the context of our faith. I'm truly blessed to be a part of this group.

I hope to blog as often as I can. I feel that God talks to us everyday, if only we can just listen. It is my hope that my blog can reach out to someone who needs spiritual support or guidance.

Have a great day!