Happy New Year

It's been so long since I've written on my blog. My life has truly been a whirlwind. Last year, 2010 was a rough year. It started with a car accident. I was hit by a snow plow who was driving left of center. By the grace of God, I was fine. My car was not, but that's okay. It made me appreciative of the times where I arrive at my destination safely. Life is truly precious. If that truck was just a few more inches to the left, I would have not survived or would have been seriously disabled.



Last year saw the end of my marriage. I grieve for its demise, but I know that the Lord will see me through this. God has a plan for me, although I am blind to it right now. I've read my previous posts. I can truly see the misery and sadness that I endured. I pray for peace in the lives of my chidren, as well as peace in my own heart and soul. I hope that my children and I can carry our new cross with dignity and grace, in the spirit of forgiveness.



My father suffered a brain hemorrhage last May. He underwent 2 brain surgeries to evacuate the blood. We were told that he did not have much residual brain function. We were asked to consider to withdraw all life support from him. We as a family continued to pray at the bedside. I 've never said so many rosaries and divine mercy chaplets in my life. We had a blessed cloth from Medjugorje that was given to us. We placed it on his heart and head as we prayed for him.

God's healing touch is awe inspiring! My dad started to slowly recover. After several months of rehab, he is home and doing well.

I'll continue to post my thoughts, prayers , and hopes. I hope this year is a happier one for us.

Advent 2009

Edwin and Alex have been busy at school preparing for Christmas. Edwin's first grade class worked on a service project with the 8th graders. They collected baby items for the less fortunate. Alex's class collected mittens, hats and scarves. It's a great way to remember the corporal works of mercy, especially in all the commercialization of the Christmas holiday. It helps them to appreciate how blessed we truly are.



They also ask me, " Mama , what would you like for Christmas?"

I answer, "Edwin, I'd like for you to drink your milk everyday without complaining. Alex, I'd like you to keep your bedroom clean." They ask, "Is that all you really want?" I answer them, " Yes, really, that's all I want."



There's one thing I desire that only God can give to me. It's peace of mind. For years, I have had this hope that I truly wish would come true. In the scheme of life, it seems so trivial compared to others' problems, but for some reason, it haunts my thoughts constantly. It seems to be more trouble than it's worth. My heart grows weary of the hurt and pain. At this point, I have to surrender and let it go. Peace will come once I realize that God is the key to all happiness.



This Advent, I hope to heal my heart by focusing on the many blessings that the Lord has given me. He has truly spared me of many sorrows. I just have to keep that in mind and heart constantly.
Some prayers will go unanswered, but this will transform me into the person that God is shaping me to become.
This is the best Christmas gift I can give myself.

Understanding

I always ask my boys about their days at school. I'm interested to know how there friends are, what they learned, and if there were any problems during their day. They always answer, " School was okay. " With specific questions about friends, they both answer, " I don't know." Maybe, it's just how boys talk. Who knows?
One day, however, my son Edwin was crying and did not want to go to school. This was unusual for him. He loves school so much. He's a good student , has a lot of friends, and loves his teachers. He revealed to me that there was a boy who was teasing him, whom I'll call "Johnny". Upon hearing this, I felt really sad. I wish I could protect my son from everything, but this was a battle that he had to learn to deal with.
I told my son to just ignore "Johnny". I even came up with some clever one liners for him to try against him. I thought further about what I was saying and teaching my child. I asked myself, " Why is "Johnny" acting this way?" Maybe there is something going on in his life, something so stressful and heart wrenching, that is bothering him to the core. His coping mechanism, unfortunately, is to take this out on others. What do you expect? He's only 10 years old, anyway! Perhaps, he doesn't realize that his actions hurt.
I told Edwin," You should forgive him. Maybe he acts that way because he is sad, hurt, or upset about something. Let's ask God to help him so he can stop acting so mean."

I thought about my words to Edwin, and how I should try to truly live these words, too. There are people in our lives who , for whatever reason, say or do things that are hurtful. Unfortunately, most are blind to their own actions. What we can do , however, is to forgive and to pray. I remember Jesus' words, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Only the Lord knows their hearts and souls. He knows what they have experienced in their lives to transform them into someone who does not love.
Edwin's story has a happy ending. "Johnny" no longer teases him. I know, however, that in the future, there will be more "Johnny"s and he'll have to learn to deal with them.

As for my own life, I struggle to remember that people who hurt others are likely hurting as well, as a result of mistreatment from someone else in their lives. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the gift of Understanding, to help me have patience, to continue to live the life that He has asked me to, and to remember that there is always something good, even in the most desolate of souls.

Pray Unceasingly

When I was a little girl, my mother taught me to pray for everything. Whenever I was sad, scared, happy, anxious, thankful, etc., I asked the Lord for His blessings and guidance. From little things like test scores, to major life events , such as job transfers and world peace, I had built up this reliance on prayer, but at the same time, I also knew that I had to do my part to show God that I could help Him to help me.

After I moved from Detroit, I felt so relieved to be finally finished with my training there. I decided ,at that point, that I had already asked God for so much. I could not possibly ask for anything more for myself. I felt that God had a "quota" per day, so to speak, of intentions to answer. As a result, I stopped praying for EVERYTHING. I continued to pray for others, but no longer for myself. I wanted to show God that I could do things on my own, so that He can focus on the intentions of others.

My life afterwards was far less than perfect. I became extremely sad, frustrated and angry. I realized that I could not live life on my own . I needed God's guidance to help me.

God's help came to me by presenting opportunities for me to immerse myself in our parish and my sons' school. Since then, I have become more involved. I became a lector, PTU mom/sons event coordinator, preschool social coordinator, Catholics Welcome Home committee member, operation baking gals ( bakes cookies for our troops overseas), and MOMS group co-coordinator. I feel happiest when I'm serving others in God's name. It brings me such joy to do God's work on earth. It keeps my mind focused on what's most important to me: love of God and love of others.

Now, I continue to pray unceasingly and for everything. I have learned that everything I have and all that I am, I owe to the Lord. God does not keep score of how many prayers we request of Him. His heart is open freely to give all that He has for us.

How Great Thou Art

We recently returned from a family vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.



"What's in Wyoming?" you may question.



My son, Edwin, loves dinosaurs. I searched on fodors.com for a family dinosaur dig. I was able to locate one in Thermopolis, WY, about 4 hours from Jackson Hole. My husband, Larry was ecstatic! He's always wanted to go to Wyoming There's great fly fishing there! He's an outdoorsman-loves the forests, mountains, and lakes. My son, Alex, loves airplanes. We needed something to entertain him. Larry found an aviation museum nearby in Idaho. There was something for everyone!



I , myself, an not an outdoors person. If I had my choice, I'd probably go back to New York City for a trip. My purpose for this trip was to enjoy the company of my family, to see the excitement in their faces, and to get some much needed R & R.



Believe it or not, I had such a wonderful time there in WY. Jackson Hole is a quaint, rustic town, with gorgeous views of the Grand Tetons. One of my favorite excursions was a visit to Jenny Lake and a hike up the mountains. My boys argued for most of the hike, but once we got to the top, I experienced a sense of peace. I feel that God enabled me to enjoy this moment. I was awestruck by the beauty of God's creation. I felt His presence there, gazing down at the calm waters. I saw nature so pure and unspoiled, the way God intended for it to be, inspiring in me a great respect of His power.



Another favorite activity was a chuckwagon dinner. We rode in a horse driven covered wagon to the picnic sight. We dined on barbecue chicken, roast beef, corn, beans, and delicious chocolate chip cookies. The actors put on an insanely funny show with audience participation. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. At the conclusion of the show, the actors expressed their love and appreciation of the nature that surrounds us. They wanted to thank the Lord for creating so much beauty. They removed their cowboy hats, placed their hands on their heart, and sang "How Great Thou Art".


This brought tears to my eyes. I've sang this hymn so many times at Mass, but never really felt its meaning. On a quiet mountain top overlooking Jenny Lake, and even in a hootenanny with cowboys, I was filled with the wonder of God's greatness and love for us. He created this world for our enjoyment. What more would he not do for us, His children created in His own image?

Teaching Humility

My son, Alex, is 4 years old. He really looks up to his big brother Edwin, age 6. I know that they really love each other, but they also know how to push each others buttons, too. They frequently get into little spats throughout the day. Five minutes later, they're best friends again. It's amazing...
On Saturday mornings, Larry takes the kids to Panera for bagels. On one particular Saturday, Edwin was teasing Alex unceasingly, once again. For punishment, Edwin stayed home with me . I put him in the Corner, an area for naughty boys associated with complete boredom. He cried his eyes out . He knew he was missing out on all of the fun.
When Alex came home, all malice towards Edwin had disappeared. He was so happy to see his big brother! Alex brought Edwin his favorite , a yummy cinnamon crunch bagel!

Edwin was too proud to accept it. He did not understand why Alex would be so nice to him, after all the teasing he had done. Edwin cried even harder.
Of course, Edwin's hunger won him over and he enjoyed his cinnamon bagel.


I learned a lot from both my boys that day. I had a long talk with Edwin . It is truly humbling when someone continues to be kind to us, even when we don't deserve it. As for Alex, he's at that age of innocence when hearts are still pure, when the capacity to be bitter is still nonexistent. I thought of Jesus... He had an immense love for everyone, including those who hurt him. I am in complete awe of his capacity to forgive, and continue to give.


That's something I'd like to teach my children, and even myself, too:
To give freely from our hearts, even when it hurts to do so.
It is definitely not an easy task. If we could focus our lives and hearts on Jesus' example, only then will this be possible.

Edwin Learns the Rosary

May is the month consecrated to our Blessed Mother. My son, Edwin has been learning the Hail Mary at school. He and his classmates received a rosary to pray at home for more reinforcement. You should have seen the excitement on his face when he showed me his brand new rosary!

I first started praying the rosary with my mother when I was 3 years old. My Mom is a very devout and strong catholic with a devotion to Mary. I would watch her recite the rosary every night after doing the dishes. She looked like she was praying so hard for something.

We started a family tradition of praying the rosary together every Sunday night. I must admit that as a young teenager, I was not too excited about that. As I got older, I learned to appreciate and love this devotion.

My appreciation did not begin until a close friend of mine passed away. I prayed the rosary every night so that his soul would rest in peace. I prayed for his family and friends who were left to mourn his loss. I , too, felt comfort in this devotion. I learned to see Mary as my mother in heaven, here to watch over us and intercede on our behalf.

I still pray the rosary every night, usually after I put the kids to bed. Recently, Edwin asked me, "Can we pray the rosary together, Mama?" We started saying a decade together everyday. Sometimes, I'll forget , but he'll remind me. He's already learned the Glory Be. We just have to work on the Apostles Creed (Uh- oh, very long).

It's exciting for me to see the seeds of this devotion growing in Edwin. I've shared stories/photos of my trips to Guadalupe and to Lourdes with him. He asked me, "Can you take me there, Mama?"

I hope I can continue to nurture this devotion to our Blessed Mother in both of my sons. That is the prayer I ask for when I say my rosary.